As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh, dear beautiful soul,
Bismillah.
Years ago, when I first started my own journey of healing, growth and transformation, I came across an idea that has stayed with me ever since.
There are two types of people.
The moaners and groaners.
And the movers and shakers.
We all know a moaner and groaner.
They're usually the first person on the WhatsApp group when something goes wrong. They have something to say about the government, the electricity, the traffic, the prices, the service, the weather, the neighbours.
Everything.
At this rate, they'll complain that the ice is too cold and fire is too hot.
And if we're really honest with ourselves, we've all had our moaner-and-groaner moments.
The problem isn't having a bad day or expressing frustration. We all need to talk. We need people we can trust. We need space to process what we're going through.
The problem is when complaining becomes a pattern.
When the same conversation keeps happening.
The same frustration.
The same blame.
The same story.
And nothing changes.
When Venting Becomes a Pattern
We often defend it by saying, "I'm just venting."
And there is a difference between processing something and repeatedly rehearsing it.
When you tell the same negative story over and over again, you are not only telling it to everyone around you.
You're telling it to yourself.
Think about how often someone asks you, "How are you?"
You tell them everything that has gone wrong.
Then you tell another person.
Then someone else.
They have heard the story once.
You've heard yourself tell it three, four, five, ten times.
That repetition matters.
Neuroplasticity teaches us that the brain changes in response to repeated experiences, thoughts and behaviours. The pathways we use repeatedly become easier for the brain to access.
So when your attention is constantly focused on what is wrong, your brain becomes very good at finding more things that are wrong.
You start noticing every problem.
Every inconvenience.
Every reason to be frustrated.
And then you wonder why life feels so negative.
It isn't because problems don't exist.
It's because your attention has become trained to look for them.
So Who Are the Movers and Shakers?
Movers and shakers see the same problems.
The difference is in what they do next.
They ask, "What can I do?"
They look at what is within their control.
They take action.
They contribute.
They create.
They get involved.
They don't sit around waiting for someone else to fix everything.
They understand that they may not be able to change the entire situation, but they can change their part in it.
And that is where the real shift happens.
Because complaining can create the illusion that we're doing something.
We're talking.
We're discussing.
We're sharing our opinions.
We're forwarding messages.
We're agreeing with everyone else about how terrible things are.
But talking about a problem and taking action on a problem are two very different things.
You can spend hours discussing what needs to change and still finish the day exactly where you started.
Who Are You Becoming?
This is where I think we need to become honest with ourselves.
Where in your life have you become a moaner and groaner?
Where are you repeating the same complaint without taking any action?
Where are you blaming circumstances or other people for something you actually have some influence over?
And where have you slipped into victim mode without even noticing?
Awareness isn't about judging yourself.
It's about seeing the pattern clearly enough to change it.
Because you cannot change a pattern you refuse to acknowledge.
And this is where our inner work becomes so important.
If you want something in your life to change, your response has to change too.
You might need to set a boundary.
You might need to have the difficult conversation.
You might need to get involved.
You might need to stop waiting for someone else to do what you are capable of doing yourself.
You might simply need to change what you give your attention to.
From Complaining to Gratitude
This is also where gratitude comes in.
Allah tells us:
"If you are grateful, I will surely increase you."
Qur'an 14:7
Gratitude doesn't mean pretending that everything is fine.
It doesn't mean ignoring injustice, difficulty or the things that need to change.
It means refusing to allow what is wrong to become the only thing you can see.
You can acknowledge a problem and still make shukr.
You can want change and still appreciate what you have.
You can recognise what is broken and still ask, "What can I do?"
That shift in perspective changes how we experience life.
Instead of constantly asking, "Why is this happening to me?"
we begin asking,
"What can I do with what Allah has placed in my hands?"
That is the difference between resistance and responsibility.
A Small Challenge
So this week, notice your language.
Notice how often you complain.
Notice the conversations you keep returning to.
Notice what you talk about when someone asks how you are.
And when you catch yourself going down that familiar path, pause.
You don't have to pretend everything is wonderful.
You don't have to silence yourself.
Just ask:
"Is this conversation helping me move forward?"
If the answer is no, change the conversation.
Change your focus.
Then take one small action.
Because the world doesn't need more people sitting on the sidelines explaining everything that is wrong.
It needs people willing to contribute to what could be better.
And that starts much closer to home than we think.
A Closing Reflection
We all have the ability to become moaners and groaners.
We also have the ability to become movers and shakers.
It isn't about having a perfect life, having all the answers or being able to solve every problem.
It's about what you choose to do with what is in front of you.
Your words matter.
Your attention matters.
Your choices matter.
So the next time you feel the urge to complain about everything that is wrong, pause and ask yourself:
"What can I actually do?"
Then do that.
One small action.
One conversation.
One decision.
One contribution.
That is how change begins.
And that is also the work I speak about through my emotional healing sessions, Safe to Trust, my masterclasses and the other spaces I've created—to help you become aware of the patterns that keep you stuck and begin responding to life differently.
If you're ready to explore that work, you can find everything I currently offer here:
From moaning and groaning...
to moving and shaking.
With sincerity and du'a,
Nazia